4 min
“I spend my life tidying up after everyone else”. “We’ve got very different ideas of what tidy means in our home”. Does this sound like you?
Happy relaxed family relationships are much more important than a neat organised house. But if a messy home is driving you crazy, it might be worth trying a few a these of these ideas – for the benefit of the whole family.
1. Where to start
If you’re feeling frustrated it’s tempting to start tidying where the mess is worst. Especially if all you hear from the family is: ‘I’ll do it myself’ and then they never do.
“To quietly work away at disposing your own excess is actually the best way of dealing with a family that doesn’t tidy” Marie Kondo.
- Start with thoroughly tidying and organising everything YOU own*. You’re in control and you don’t have to involve anyone else. Even after the very first session, you’ll start to feel different and more positive. All those happy vibes are contagious in the best possible way. Happy parent, happy family.
- Once you’ve got your own spaces exactly as you like them, your tolerance for untidiness in other areas will gradually start to change. And often, you’ll stir up interest in tidying from other family members.
*The KonMari Method follows the order of clothes, books, papers, miscellaneous and sentimental. See: organisedhomeandlife.co.uk/the-konmari-method
2. Accept that Clutter Looks Different to Everyone
If there are 5 of you, there’re probably 5 opinions of what tidying means.
- Ask each person, keeping an open mind, what an uncluttered home feels and looks like to them; share your own vision with the family too.
- The KonMari Method© always starts with you imagining what your ideal home would feel and look like. And the more details you can ‘see’ in your minds eye, the more motivated you’ll be to carry on.
- Think about what activities you all want to be able to do easily and how you’d like each room to feel, rather than look. At least to start with.
- Pictures on a vision board, notes or Pinterest, will help you vision come alive. I don’t recommend Instagram for this exercise as most images are not real life.
After discovering your differences, then look for compromises by getting buy-in to a few ground rules. Think progress, not perfection.
3. Relax and Carry On
If you’re a lone tidying role model in your home, believe this isn’t wasted. Trust that it’s all going in, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
- One of my daughters spent her teenage years having the messiest room you could imagine. You’d walk across the floor of her room at your peril.
- Fast forward to 2021 and she’s a full-time working mum, with a partner, 2 kids, 2 dogs and she can’t stand a messy house.
Her own daughter is following in her mum’s footsteps.
4. Everyone Needs Space to do with as They Wish
- Regularly check that spaces are keeping up with the kids (and adults) belongings.
One mum was really fed up with her kids not tidying their rooms. When we looked closer, it was obvious that toys and clothes had totally outgrown the spaces they were meant to go in. Time for a big declutter.
- Another client was struggling with her husband’s many hobby- bits spilling into general areas. They hadn’t actually designated and organised a good space that could accommodate everything. Once that was done, keeping the house tidy was much easier.
Everyone should have some private space, even in a shared room. It might be just one cupboard, a few private drawers, shelves with baskets or proper racking in the shed.
5. Be Specific. One Task at a Time
- With younger kids, help them tidy away before getting the next load of toys out. After a zillion repeats, the hope is it’ll be a semi-automatic action.
- For older kids or adults, if they are genuinely not bothered and can’t see the mess, it’s more effective to be specific than general.
What exactly would you most like them to do?
- If they’re easily distracted by something more interesting, give them one task at a time. For example, instead of saying ‘please tidy your room’ or ‘please put all your clothes in the laundry, bring glasses downstairs and pick-up rubbish’. Keep it simple and to one task at a time.
6. Declutter, Simplify and Remove Barriers
Less stuff = less mess. And less conversations about tidying up.
- After enjoying putting your own belongings in order, carry on and tackle the shared items that you have say over in the kitchen and living room.
- If you’re constantly asking for help and reluctantly getting it, make tasks easier and quicker. For instance, if kitchen cupboards are less full, emptying the dishwasher is so much faster.
- For younger kids, try toy-rotation. Kids lose interest in toys if they’re messed up or all the small parts are blurred. It’s a lot easier to tidy up with less toys in play. And rotation keeps toys fresh and new.
- Sort into broad categories. For instance, The Home Edit (amazing team) often shows Lego sorted into micro categories and colours. Unless the kids love to sort, just keep the Lego together.
- For any age, plan on having regular toy, gadget and clothes declutter sessions to keep it manageable. Particularly before birthdays and Christmas.
- Try removing lids from laundry baskets and room bins. This is a Top Tip.
- Use labels everywhere to reduce decision making, especially if your partner and kids have zero interest in tidying.
7. No Nagging; Just Take Your Things with You
Ask everyone to take their personal belongings with them when they leave a room.
- A family with 3 teenage kids had clutter-stacks everywhere, with everyone feeling it was someone else’s mess. We sorted everything into a basket per person and left it in their rooms to put away (or not) as they wanted to.
- After that reset, it was a family rule that you take your personal stuff with you as leave the room.
- It makes a huge difference if everyone takes responsibility for their own things, even if it only works for some of the time.
- When it’s not working, don’t say anything; just quietly do a reset and place personal belongings in each person’s room.
- A basket per person, that you can stack when not in use, is so useful. Not only to return things to their rooms but also to deliver laundry in. Folded or not.
(Curver baskets are inexpensive, come in all sizes and are readily available from most homeware shops)
FAMILY RULES
- Take your own belongings with you as you leave a room
- Put things away before getting something else out
- Each person is responsible for their own stuff
- We each have our own personal room or area where we keep our things
- General areas of our home have to feel comfortable for all of us
There isn’t one magic way of dealing with family mess but starting with the KonMari Method© will help. It’s far easier to accept and respect differences within the family when you are really happy with your own belongings. And trust that tidying is contagious. My tips are based on my KonMari training, working as a Professional Organiser with many families and my personal experience. Got any questions? I’m always happy to help with advice or in person; call me or send a message.
Mimi
Tel: 07887991460
email: mimi@organisedhomeandlife.co.uk
